My fondest memory of Hindu weddings while growing up was standing in a long queue of people who smelled of mothballed saris and suits.

We would wait to shower the bridal couple with marigolds and coloured confetti, the punched-out-of-paper kind that was a mess to clean up.

The smell of biryani and dhall with brinjals cooking outside the venue wafted invitingly to expectant guests.

People would eat on trestle tables, waiting to devour the well-buttered soji in the same plate as the main meal to give it that special wedding taste.

Uncles wielding large dishes, with saucers as serving utensils, would ration the “sweets”.

Dinner was quick, too, to accommodate the thousand-odd guests. Some people served cordial or even cooldrinks.

Afterwards, we’d go home and my mother would hand over her packet of pink and white cashews and those horrible sugared dhall sweets to whomever was best behaved.

And that was it.

As a little girl, I always imagined I’d have that kind of wedding, but as I grew up, I settled on a simple, pagan sort of affair with immediate family on a beach or island, or similar whimsical nuptials.

Instead, there will be a “conservative”, civilised, 400-guest event at a posh (complete rip-off) venue that has pulled the romance and heart out of a young couple’s most special day through our bank account.

We will have waiters and round tables, cutlery, glass crockery and separate soji bowls. Add elaborate and sufficiently shiny stage décor that is not gaudy, yet sparkly enough to impress.

There will be snacks, a sweetmeat display and pretty wedding favours, with obligatory souvenirs.

Obligatory souvenirs? Since when do the bride and groom, who’ve forked out enough to pay for at least four overseas holidays (yes, I’ve calculated it), have to give people gifts to attend their wedding?

The madness started a year ago. It was intended to be a fun, yet religiously significant event.

Eventually, a simple wedding — acceptable by 2008 standards — involved serviette holders that cost as much as my monthly petrol bill.

All in celebration of love and togetherness, and the hope of a few wedding gifts to add to our (thankfully already purchased and furnished) home.

I am ashamed to have succumbed.

Although it will be a lovely day with all the special people we want to be there, and even those we don’t, but are glad to see anyway, I am the punchline of the joke that Indian weddings have become.

I discovered this when I stumbled upon the cabal of wedding planners and periphery that exist today.

The most popular and talented photographers, cake suppliers, caterers, décor specialists, wedding co-ordinators, musicians, etc, each refers you to the other in the guise of a “favour”.

They have made this a thriving business. Yes, they do deserve to be popular and recognised, these are truly talented people.

But they’re a cabal nonetheless, and if you don’t have them, your guests will know the difference. Or will they?

The point is that we, as a society, have allowed this madness to become a norm. Be it a wedding, christening or funeral, we are losing the plot.

Why is it that society’s need to impress can invade even these momentous, once-in-a-lifetime occasions, making them more about the extras than the core of the event?

And in these harsh economic times, too. We are tired of living it, let alone hearing it, but the economy is at its worst in a long, long time.

People are selling bond-ridden houses, yet still deliver three-tier cake trays of Diwali treats?

December will be tough, too, but we know our guests will be raiding the stores for exquisite silks and satins. Many can afford them , but some cannot. Yet I can guarantee they will still come in all their finery.

They will arrive in their 60-month-repayment luxury cars and complain about the food, that we didn’t have a waterfall feature on stage and that we played carefully selected instrumental music, as opposed to a string band, which would play the same four songs for two hours anyway.

I don’t care.

I am celebrating my love and wedding day, and want only good wishes and blessings for a long and happy marriage.

Sorry if we decided to forgo the Lindor chocolate and went with the funny dhall sweets (they’re traditional for youngest sons apparently). I did it out of choice.

Hey, I could have sold a kidney and had a marching band and white horses ferry me to the venue. But the madness stops now.

We’re serving biryani, traditional wedding biryani, and dhall with brinjals. And if guests want to, they can eat with their fingers … and even enjoy the soji in the same dinner plate.

The economy may be tanking. But global financial gloom isn’t going to affect the lavish wedding Neha Gupta and her extended family plan to throw at the end of this month.

Her parents and future in-laws have already bought her diamonds and gold jewelry — “the kind that movie stars wear,” the 32-year-old bride says. A collection of five wedding saris and lenghas for the Big Day, some priced at more than $2,000, hang in her San Francisco closet. A special drummer was hired to tap out a beat when her fiance, Rajeev Ranga, 33, parades to the ceremony in a wedding procession called a baraat. And the spread? She and her beloved have selected a mouthwatering array of Mediterranean, Mexican and Indian delicacies.

“I haven’t been told to skimp or that I have to cut back on anything,” Gupta says.

While some industry analysts say they see mainstream Western clients tightening their belts this wedding season or delaying big reception parties until the couples can pay for them, ethnic weddings — especially in the Indo-American community — are still going strong.

“Indian parents have been saving for our weddings since we were babies,” says Gupta, a marketing manager for Clorox in Oakland, and whose parents came from the Indian state of Uttar Pradesh. “You know how parents set up a college fund for their kids when they’re young? Well, Indian parents also have a wedding fund.”

In fact, her father and mother — Prem, an engineer, and Vena, a retired optician, started funneling cash into both of their daughters’ wedding funds long ago.

For large swaths in the overall affluent Indo-American community — and for many with roots in Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese and other cultures as well — weddings are the most significant milestone in a person’s life.

“This is more important than having a kid or going to school,” Gupta says. “It’s No. 1. In India, entire villages come to the wedding to enjoy the feast. My parents are saying to the world, ‘Hey, look how wonderful it is that our children are getting married and are now full-fledged members of society.’ The more people they tell, the better.”

According to the Bridal Association of America headquartered in Bakersfield, an average American wedding cost about $28,000 last year, and the average guest list was 170. In her world, Gupta says the average Indian wedding costs from $50,000 to $75,000, with the average guest list set at 500.

Some industry reports, coupled with individual anecdotes, reflect that mainstream American brides and grooms are being forced to make wedding day compromises in today’s tough economic times.

Some couples, for instance, are giving the thumbs down to pricey banquet halls, to get hitched on less-costly-but-still-beautiful sandy beaches. Or, some couples are deciding to serve wedding cake as their only dessert.

“I’m finding that people are waiting a bit longer to get married right now,” says bridal association spokesman Kyle Brown, “so that they can have the wedding that they want, only delay it a bit. Maybe they’ll even get married in Vegas, but have the big celebration later. But I see the more entrenched people are in their culture, whether it be Italian, or Latino, or Indian, the weddings become more important.”

Of course, not all Indo-American families have wedding funds as flush as Gupta’s.

Swati Kapoor, owner of Swait Couture Indian Fashions in Milpitas (www.swati.us), says some of her clients can’t afford her one-of-a-kind saris and jeweled lenghas that cost in the $4,000 range, on full display in September at the Vivah Wedding and Lifestyle Expo Asiana at the Santa Clara Convention Center. So, she’s had to adjust. She says she’s making gorgeous, but less expensive, off-the-rack outfits instead of custom-fit only.

“I’m carrying a parallel line now to my couture line,” Kapoor says.

Kapoor notes that some clients are quietly spending about 30 percent less than she believes they normally would. But it’s taboo to discuss, Kapoor says, because many Indian families won’t let on that they have budget woes.

No one’s mentioning hurting pocketbooks at Sagar Exclusive in Hayward (www.sagarexclusive.com), where brides and other partygoers can find an array of expensive designer saris, mermaid-style lengha cholis (ankle-length skirt and halter-style top), salwar kameez (flowing pants and tunic) and chudiddars (tight pants). Prices range from $300 to $10,000 for such outfits, and come in deep hues of burnt orange or teal, and studded with such things as Swarovski crystals from Austria.

“Business hasn’t slowed down,” says Reuben Kanhai, whose wife, Varsha Patel, designs the outfits. “Indians might cut back in other areas, like not taking a vacation or going to the movies. But no one would cut back much on the wedding.”

The couple are among the 50 vendors displaying their wares Nov. 9 at the Suhaag International Multicultural Bridal Show in Newark, where about 1,300 guests are expected to attend.

Kanhai says extravagant weddings give Indian families honor and show prosperity.

“You just can’t throw a Mickey Mouse party,” Kanhai says. “I went to a wedding where the food ran out. That’s something that people will never forget.”

While Gupta certainly doesn’t want to put on a hokey affair for her future children, she’s not sure she’s going to spend the same amount on their weddings that her family is spending on her. Sure, it’s wonderful to invite an entire village to a wedding, which her parents did for her younger sister, Shilpa, in India.

But the price tag there to feed 800 guests is about “one-fifth” of what it costs to feed guests here, Gupta says. So, it’s questionable whether the tradition of over-the-top Indian nuptials will continue with generations of children born in the States.

“I’m not sure I want to spend all that money just on one day,” Gupta says. “If it were up to me, I’d like it a little more intimate.”

Two young Swedish women tied the knot at the weekend in the first known lesbian “marriage” beside the Taj Mahal, India’s ethereal monument to love, newspapers said on Monday.

The happy couple, known only as Sandra and Sarah, followed Hindu rituals during the ceremony which was conducted by a priest at the Mahadeva Shiva temple close to the Taj in the town of Agra.

After exchanging garlands, Sandra, 19, marked the head of 18-year-old Sarah with vermilion. They then made seven circuits around a fire in the traditional marriage custom.

The priest, Dharm Das, initially refused to “marry” the pair but relented after they gave an offering to the temple and said they would be his life-long disciples, reports said.

“Although the Hindu system of marriage doesn’t allow such relationships or marriages, I am impressed with the love that the two women have for the monument of love,” Das told the Mail Today.

“They had also argued that their Swedish society allows such kind of marriages.”

The Taj Mahal was built by Emperor Shah Jahan in memory of his second wife Mumtaz Mahal who died giving birth in 1631.

At Saturday’s “wedding”, Sandra acted as the groom while Sarah played the role of the coy bride, newspapers reported.

“We were in love with each other since childhood,” Sandra said. “A few months ago we came to Agra and were mesmerised by the Taj Mahal.

“Both of us had read extensively about the emperor and his love and decided to draw a parallel and get married in the proximity of the Taj.”

The couple live together in New Delhi working for a children’s charity, reports said.

The priest said the ceremony had attracted much local curiosity as homosexuality is illegal in India.

“Since it was practically a once-in-a-blue moon event in Agra, a large number of people gathered outside the temple for a glimpse of the couple,” he said.

One priest told the Times of India that “foreigners are mocking our system and misusing the liberal parameters. Such waywardness must be stopped.”

IT TAKES two hands to lift the wedding outfits designed by Rimple Narula off the rack.

Her creations - “inspired by the Taj Mahal” - are so heavily encrusted with Austrian crystals and semi-precious gems from Rajasthan they weigh more than 44 lbs.

But she has no sympathy for the brides that wear them. “Oh, the weight doesn’t matter,” Ms Narula says. “An Indian bride just sits there for most of the wedding anyway - she doesn’t have to roam around much.”

A typical price tag for one of these bridal “lehengas” is $15,000 but the designer has sold outfits for $16,000.

“It’s quite common for Indian weddings to have a clothing budget of $75,000 including the outfits for mothers and sisters,” she says.

Ms Narula was showcasing her outfits at the Bridal Asia show held last week in the palatial Ashok Hotel in New Delhi. Touted as “the most exclusive wedding extravaganza on the subcontinent”, the show coincides with the advent of India’s wedding season, which runs from October to February.

At this time every year, soon-to-be brides and grooms, along with their parents, take family savings carefully accumulated over many years and go on one of the world’s great shopping sprees. Tonnes of jewellery and kilometres of fabric are bought.

The Indian wedding industry is estimated to be worth $52 billion annually and has been growing at about 20% a year. The global financial crisis is not expected to take much of a toll because most families have already set aside the money. Rather, after several boom years for the Indian economy, this wedding season promises to be especially big.

New Delhi is the hub of north India’s wedding industry thanks to its size and wealth. It is also near several wealthy provinces including Punjab, a region with a lavish wedding culture.

The founder of the Bridal Asia show, Divya Gurwara, says weddings in this region are becoming increasingly grandiose, especially among the urban middle class that has benefited disproportionately from India’s rapid economic expansion.

Weddings give Indian families a chance to “show their social strength”, Ms Gurwara says. “It is where their status is reflected.

“Typically in an Indian wedding there are seven or eight occasions before the final marriage. Often there are different themes and decor for each one. Families also want different outfits and jewellery for each occasion. They all must be different. That’s why so much money is spent.”

Wedding-related advertising is such a big money spinner that Rupert Murdoch’s Indian cable network, Star TV, is considering the launch of a “lifestyle wedding channel”. Content will include programs on engagements, weddings, honeymoon travel, party grooming, couture and makeovers. Celebrity wedding, home improvement and agony aunt-style shows have been touted.

The Bridal Asia show attracts dressmakers and jewellers from across India as well as Pakistan and Bangladesh. Only serious buyers are encouraged to come.

Poornima Singh, who will marry on January 31, is considering buying one of Ms Narula’s super-heavy wedding outfits. Her mother, Neeta, hovered close by as she tried one on. “Finding a dress is one of the few things I’ve got to do,” Ms Poornima says.

Her jewellery has already been sorted out. “That has all been purchased new for the ceremony,” says her father, Bhopal, a company director. “There will be nothing old.”

Jewellery is where the real money is spent.

Gold imports surge in August and September as jewellers stock up. Research has shown that anticipation of the Indian wedding season can push up the price of gold by 10 per cent in September and October.

A traditional Indian bride requires an elaborate necklace, earrings, thick bangles, finger and toe rings and a “tika” worn on the forehead.

A Kolkata jeweller, Pramod Bamalwa, says it is common for families to buy several pieces each worth $10,000. “That’s basically the starting price for my north Indian customers,” he says.

Wedding planners are in strong demand. Ravindra Singh, from an event management firm called Maspor, says he divides his wedding customers into two groups - those spending less than $100,000 on event management and those spending more. Even lower middle-class urban families on relatively low incomes commonly spend up to $90,000 - on a wedding.

Most Hindu couples consult an astrologer to identify a favourable date for their nuptials. October, November, December and January are popular because of what astrologers call the “favourable astrological signs” during that period.

“Marriage is not a half-an-hour bus journey, it’s lifelong so people should get married on specific dates recommended by astrologers after matching their horoscope,” says a Delhi-based astrologer, M.K. Sharma.

The stars dictate that auspicious marriage dates this season will be November 9, January 31 and February 27.

If you are a bride-to-be and striving for that perfect fairy tale wedding, perhaps its time to bring in some innovations in your attire and accessories, a task no that easy. Swarovski has collaborated with 65 Indian designers to come out with collections, giving their designs a ‘dazzling’ effect.
With new trends setting in each day it has become difficult to give a new look to your wedding. But Swarovski, the premier name in the crystal industry have come out with products saying they have figured out the mind of a modern Indian bride.

Swarovski has collaborated with 65 Indian designers to come out with collections, giving their designs a ‘dazzling’ effect. Not only the bridal wear but accessories like handbags and shoes have been designed with crystals.

“We know the potential of the Indian fashion industry and value the rich Indian traditional culture. Our collection aims at women who are modern free-spirited yet value the traditions.” says Mag Markus D. Lampe, senior vice president marketing, Swarovski.

The ‘crystal’ collection boasts the names of creme de creme of the Indian fashion industry like Tarun Tahaliani, JJ Valaya, Malini Ramani, Rohit Bal, Abu Jani and Sandeep Khosla, Ritu Kumar and Suneet Verma.

Each of the designers has a different theme for collection like designer Malini Ramani was inspired by the concept of tropical bride. “My collection has a lot of green shades. I was inspired by the brides from countries like Cuba and Havana,” says Malini.

Maintaining his signature funky style designer Manish Arora says “I did not have any image of any particular person while designing my collection. It was fun doing this collection as this was the first time something has been experimented with crystals,” he says.

Appreciating the elegance of Indian weddings, Markus prefers them over the western weddings. “Indian weddings are so elaborate they unveil alot of customs and the culture of this country,” he says.

Each collection reflected a different theme if Suneet Verma’s collection was covered with a golden hue, Ritu Kumar’s collection captured the richness and grandeur of Indian tradition, while Tarun Tahaliani’s collection was elegant and classy.

Besides the bridal wear the collection aimed to create a virtual crystal world by adorning crystals on wedding cakes, mobile covers, dairies and laptops.

The Cinematography in this wedding video is absolutely amazing. A bride would be so lucky to have her wedding documented so well.

Gold may gain 10 percent by the end of the year driven by demand for jewelry during the Indian wedding and festival season, according to JPMorgan Chase & Co. data.

The season has boosted prices every year since 2002 with September the strongest buying month, JPMorgan analysts led by Brendan James said in a report. Over the past decade, gold has risen by an average of 10.1 percent from September through to December, according to a study by the broker.

India, the world’s biggest buyer of bullion, increased imports 56 percent last month, the first monthly gain in 11 as price declines boosted jewelry sales. Gold, which has dropped 3.5 percent this year, may rebound because of demand for jewelry in India and the Middle East, Societe Generale said last month.

“We should see prices stabilize and move higher,” Jonathan Barratt, managing director of Commodity Broking Services in Sydney, said today by phone. “This is a seasonal low.”

Gold for immediate delivery, snapped a four-day losing streak, rising 0.2 percent to $802.70 an ounce at 12:39 p.m. Sydney time. Bullion dropped as low as $772.98 on Aug. 15 after reaching a record $1,030.70 in March.

Prices should rise above $830 by the end of the year, though won’t likely top $900, Commodity Broking’s Barratt said.

Festival of Light

Indian demand typically rises in the wedding season, which runs from late September to December. Jewelers also buy the metal for the Hindu festival of Diwali, or the Festival of Light. Gold may climb in the next three months to $900 on demand from investors and the jewelry sector as the value of the dollar declines, UBS AG said last week.

“We have undertaken an analysis to determine whether speculation surrounding the effect of the Indian wedding season is real, or simply an urban legend,” James said in the report yesterday. “Our analysis indicates that the Indian wedding and festival season has had a positive effect on the gold price since 2002. This suggests that we could see a strong recovery in the gold price in the last four months of 2008.”

By the end of August, in the past 10 years, the gold price has been up 3.2 percent on average from the start of the year, according to JPMorgan’s analysis. By the end of September, this has increased to 8.2 percent on average. From September to the end of December, the price has continued to gain, averaging a 13.3 percent annual gain, it said.

‘Pretty Shot’

To be sure, prices were about 20 percent lower a year ago leading into the wedding season, and the higher prices this year may curb demand, Commodity Broking’s Barratt said. “When they were close to this level last year, demand was pretty much shot.”

Gold will average less than previously expected in the next several quarters because of the strengthening dollar and lower oil prices, Standard Chartered Plc said last month. The dollar has weakened against the euro on average by 3.2 percent during the months of November and December in the past 10 years, JPMorgan said. Weakness in the dollar may have contributed to some of the gold gains over the period, it said.

Bullion may also be boosted by declining global output from mines and increasing costs of production, said the report, which recommended Australian gold producers Newcrest Mining Ltd. and Lihir Gold Ltd., the two largest gold mining companies on the local exchange.

For Umar Manzoor Baba – a computer analyst working in Cardiff – this Sunday is memorable. It was his wedding but he needed a curfew pass to make the festive journey to bring his bride home.

Deserted roads, soldiers, fifty check-points and fear accompanied him from Srinagar to his bride’s house in Baramulla where the ceremony was more of a prayer for a safe return than a celebration.

It was a wedding in conflict and for Baba the routine wedding arrangements had changed to fit in the curfew. For hours this morning, his family was contacting authorities to secure a permission to travel through the restrictions.

“The curfew pass has become even important than me. And for God’s sake, it is my wedding,” he said as soon as the contingent of police and CRPF men asked his cavalcade of five cars to go after half-an-hour of questioning and searches.

“Kashmir has changed,” he said. “I have never seen such restrictions here”. He said that the wedding had been planned several months ago.

“I didn’t even enjoy. There was a lot on my mind all this while,” he said. “I saw so much of tension and anger here after a long time”.

The sudden flare up in the situation has hit Valley’s peak wedding season too. First the “economic blockade” of Kashmir - when protestors snapped the valley’s only road link – National highway 1A – last month halted the flow of trucks carrying mutton from Rajasthan.

The lack of mutton hit the Wazwan – the all necessary cuisine offered during Kashmiri weddings. Then the strikes and processions made it difficult for the invitees to reach the wedding venues. And now it is the curfew.

Earlier both the authorities and the separatists would respect the wedding cavalcades and keep it outside all restrictions. But like everything else, this latest shift in situation has even impacted this festive occasion in people’s lives in Kashmir.

Baba’s journey turned into an ordeal when the soldiers refused to accept the validity of the curfew passes, saying they have orders not to allow anybody on the roads today.

The sudden burst of separatist emotion since August 11, when a large procession marched along the Srinagar-Muzaffarabad road ended in the tragic killing of 12 people in police and CRPF firing, was fast getting out of the government control. And the fear of losing the official writ on the streets of Kashmir had finally manifested into an “iron fist” approach.

“There is no way to move forward if we don’t force people to stay indoors,” a senior officer told The Indian Express. “If we don’t impose a strict curfew, how else can we halt such large processions”. There were 200 weddings in Srinagar today and Baba was a lucky groom because most of them had to be cancelled at the last minute.

“We cannot do micro-management for 14 lakh people,” SSP Srinagar Syed Ahfad-ul-Mujtaba said. “It is sad but what can we do. We are trying our level best to calm the situation”.

A Muslim marriage in northern India officiated by women has sparked an angry debate, with one of the most influential Islamic seminaries in South Asia calling it an affront to the religion.

Naish Hasan, the 28-year-old bride and a women’s rights activist, and Imran Ali, the 41-year-old groom, were married last week in a ceremony that is believed to be the first of its kind in India.

Muslim marriages are traditionally officiated by a man, often a local community leader. The signing of the wedding contract is also witnessed by four Muslim males, two each for the bride and groom.

But the marriage last Wednesday in the northern city of Lucknow was presided over by a woman and all the witnesses were female. The only man involved in the wedding was Ali.

Women’s rights activists have greeted the marriage as a symbolic step forward for Muslim women, but the ceremony sparked a firestorm of criticism from conservative Islamic institutions, especially the Dar-ul-Uloom seminary in northern India.

The seminary is an intellectual hub for South Asian Muslims. Many of its theologians have publicly denounced terrorism but their work has nonetheless provided the intellectual underpinning for some of the most radical and violent Islamic movements in the region, such as the Taliban in Afghanistan.

An official at Dar-ul-Uloom, Ahmad Khizar Shah Masudi, called the marriage a “cruel joke on (Islamic) laws.”

Another Muslim group, the Lucknow Idgah Committee, has said the marriage is invalid under Islamic law.

Hasan, the bride, works for Bharatiya Muslim Mahila Aandolan, or the Indian Muslim Women’s Movement, a rights group that seeks a greater role for women in Indian Muslim society.

Hasan brushed off the criticism. “I do not care. Islam says there cannot be anyone between Allah and his disciple. How come these clergymen are interfering in our matter?” she said Thursday.

India, a predominantly Hindu country with a sizable Muslim minority, allows marriage, divorce and inheritance matters to be determined by religious laws, and the couple’s unorthodox ceremony was approved by the All India Muslim Personal Law Board, which sets the rules on Muslim religious matters.

But Maulana Khalid Rashid Firangimahali of the board said, “I won’t ask anyone to go for this kind of marriage.”

Muslim religious leaders have for decades closely guarded the powers accorded them under the so-called personal laws and have resisted any attempts to dilute their authority.

But a small group of liberal Muslims in India have made several attempts in recent years to challenge traditional male dominance within the religion.

In 2005, a group of Muslim women established the All India Muslim Women Personal Law Board, saying that the All India Muslim Personal Law Board wasn’t doing enough to protect women’s rights.

Earlier this year, the group’s leader, Shaista Amber, led a group of women in prayer at a major mosque in Lucknow, breaking with tradition, which does not allow men and women to pray together.